Grandparents are precious in the lives of many families: they love their grandchildren unconditionally and help their children who need them at special times. Too often, however, it is taken for granted that grandparents should be present and care for their grandchildren, perhaps neglecting themselves and their needs. Where is the line between caring for others and neglecting yourself? A young grandmother has voiced her opinion online, hoping to get advice and hear from people with a different point of view.
image credit: Not the actual photo – dassel/Pixabay
This grandmother helped raise her grandson but decided to “retire” and stop caring for her grandchildren full time and move to another city. His daughter, however, does not share his choice. She tells her story as follows:
My husband and I had our children when we were young (I was 18 when my daughter was born, 21 when I had my son). My daughter got pregnant when she was 16. Even after she moved and got married, my husband and I were heavily involved in the care of the child. At first, because she was young, she juggled school and her life as a single mother. Then she finished college, got a great job, and her husband got a high-paying job as well. They both worked crazy hours and my husband and I practically had a third child to raise. We took him to school, looked after him in the afternoon. He spent at least a month with us during the summer. Therefore, we are very close. We don’t regret what we did and we loved doing it. However, our grandson is now 18 and going to college across the country. My husband retired and we want to move south to enjoy a better climate and relax. This has been the plan for years. We are working on selling the house and plan to be there for Christmas.
image credit: Not the actual photo – Luana Azevedo/Unsplash
The problem is that our daughter had a baby, our second grandchild, two years ago and now she is pregnant again. She quit her job to be a stay-at-home mom with the baby, so we don’t have to do the same with him. We love him and spoil him, but it will be a different relationship. My daughter says we shouldn’t move because she might need our help. I said if her dad retires, I retire from child care. I want to be the grandmother who sees her grandchildren and spoils them, but not the grandmother who raises them. She was offended and said it was just “what grandmothers do”. My son doesn’t mind our moving, he actually lives in another state and doesn’t have the intention to have children. We will also be closer to him with the move (not very much but currently we are 12 hours away, with the new home we would be around 4 hours). My daughter and her husband are angry with us, mostly because I said I was “retiring”. They say I make it seem like taking care of my grandson is a thankless job.
What do you think? Do you think the grandmother is wrong or that the daughter needs to understand this woman’s motivations and needs?
source used: reddit